« Speaking Engagements| Main | NASA Announces New Department »
The Confession
Perhaps one of the funniest mismatches I ever saw in staffing came when I was working in Northern California. Our new project manager was a part-time policeman who dabbled in programming. After all, shooting a perp running from a liquor store and managing a VB project are pretty much the same thing, right? This was back in the day when 3 months of FoxBase programming could get you a good gig in the city if you wanted it. Recruiters weren't looking too closely at resumes, and good people who just didn't match up were often put together.
I'm not going to name them, let's call him Lee. Lee was told that he had to get an estimate from the team for how long the work was going to take. The team (4 of us) consisted of a Java guy, a VB guy, a database guy, and a mainframe programmer. The mainframe guy was the oneriest of the bunch, (let's call him Ron), so we let be the first one to talk to Lee.
Everyone liked Lee, really we did. The problem was, nobody on the team had any idea of what the heck we were supposed to be doing. Unfortunately, neither did Lee. We all only knew that we had to write some insurance processing system. What it did, how big it was, whether or not we had to speak Klingon -- all unknowns. Our idea of process was simply programming and Lee's idea of process had to do with getting arrested. So Lee sits down with Ron and the conversation begins.
Lee: "I'd like for you to tell me how long the project is going to be, Ron"
Ron: "That's great. I'd like to tell you."
Lee: "Well then, how long will it be?"
Ron: "What am I supposed to be doing?"
Lee: "Now let's not get too technical, I only need a rough estimate"
Ron: "Roughly what are we doing then?"
Lee: "Writing this program."
Ron: "Good. And what is the program supposed to do?"
Lee: "It is supposed to work correctly. Now surely Ron, you've been around for a while, right?"
Ron: "Yes."
Lee: "And you're a professional. Isn't that right, Ron?"
Ron: "Yes. It is. I have been doing this for a while."
Lee: "So a big professional like yourself, you've probably seen a lot of programming projects, haven't you?"
Ron: "Of course. I've even worked on several insurance jobs."
Lee: "Good. Then it's got to be easy enough for you to estimate how big the project is, right?"
Ron: "Sure it is. Just tell me what I'm doing."
Lee became agitated.
Lee: "I don't want to get into all the techical details. You've been here longer than me. What's your best shot?"
Ron (exasperated): "Can you tell me how many modules I have to write?"
Lee (scratches head): "Ten"
Ron: "Then it will be ten months."
Lee: "That's way too long."
Ron: "Was I close?"
This went on for almost an half hour. At one point I was seriously afraid that Lee was going to have to take Ron downtown and read him his rights. I wonder whatever happened to Lee -- he left a few weeks later. Sometimes when I'm trying to estimate a project I can still hear him saying "Of course, you guys are all professionals ..."
Professionalism is one thing. Professional psychics are another. If we were as good as Lee wanted, we'd have our own 1-900 line. Something like "Dial-An-Estimate."
Leave a comment