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Is Your Project Off-The-Rails?
I've completed a post describing what it's like for the guy who writes the checks for software projects. But what's it look like from the other side? How do you know if your project is off the rails? Is there a checklist?
Never fear! In an ongoing public service to my fellow programmers, and an attempt to keep from working as much as possible, I hereby offer you these signs that your project might be off the rails.
- Your team has a prayer vigil on the release date
- The requirements are being written from the code
- You seem to remember having a house and kids somewhere
- Your project plan includes your retirement party, and you're only 27
- Your only design diagram consists of a picture of Halle Barry in a bikini
- Nobody has seen the documentation guy since he went to that last user's meeting.
- First you used a requirements system, then you used cards, then post-it notes. Now your requirements are written on napkins from the chinese restaurant
- Your project manager's nickname is "shifty"
- The original estimate was that it would take 3 weeks. This estimate was done when the project first started by one of Noah's sons
- You think the three major food groups are candy bars, Jolt, and microwave popcorn
- Your project plan was created by calling a psychic 900-number
- 60 Minutes wants to interview the team about cost overruns
- You can only visit your users with bullet-proof glass and a prison telephone
- Your pimp offers free counseling services
- They handcuff you to your desk
- Your job application had a question asking how you feel about drive-by shootings
- The Testing department is wearing body armor and is building a bunker in the cafeteria
- Your last code review was attended by Hans Blix
- You start secretly adding "help me" messages in your code comments
- Your status reports must end in "so help me god"
- You decide that instead of listing this job on your resume, you're going to put down that your were in prison for stealing from orphans
- Your test plan includes renting a safe house and buying disguises
- Your voice mail has an option for death threats
Does you design doc look like this? If so, can I come and work on your project?
If you see Mike Wallace in the parking lot in the morning, time to call in sick
Are you sure that try..catch code was done correctly? Are you really sure?
5 Comments
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Gee and i thought i've seen some pointless blogs. This one definately takes the helm. I wish i had this kind of time on my hands.
Welcome to the blog, Nick.
Sorry to hear about your lack of time. I've found that taking an hour to write every day is a good habit to have. I hope you schedule frees up some in the future so you can do more things you like.
Thanks for taking the time to comment. Can't say I agree with you at all, but you are welcome to complain. Not that I care or anything. You're just welcome to do it.
Really Great Post. It would be more funny if it was less true to life :)
Daniel - I love the list and am referencing it at my blog for project managers. Oddly, my favorite thing on this page is your e-x-c-e-l-l-e-n-t response to Nick, above.
Thanks Raven!
I write stuff I like here, and since I teach PMs and organizations how to make technology happen, sometimes it leaks out.
I wish I could write fun stuff like this all the time. So much information we process and go through seems not-so-fun. It's good to lighten up a bit. (hear that, Nick?)