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Captain Picard Is Following Me Around
I recently turned forty, which really sucked. But if that wasn't bad enough, now Captain Picard is following me all over the house.
I guess I asked for it. When my cousin (who works for Amnesty International) asked me what I wanted for my birthday, I told him maybe something to do with Star Trek. It turns out that the actor Patrick Stewart is closely associated with AI.
Sure enough, one day when I came home there was package from cousin. Inside was a life-sized statue of Captain Picard! I immediately wanted to put it in our living room, but the ruler of the house put her foot down and that was it. There was a running battle for several days on where to put the Captain, and then he mysteriously disappeared.
Now he shows up in oddball places: I'm going to bed, and he's in there ahead of me. I'm going to the restroom, and he's hiding in the shower. I usually yelp out when this happens, and there is always subdued giggling coming from somewhere in the house. This stalking must end! Patrick, look, it was a good show. We had fun together. Sure, you were more of a wus than the real captain, Kirk, but I kinda got to like you after a while. But you've got to find a new home. You're scaring the heck out of me.
So if anybody wants a slightly used life-sized Captain Picard, let me know. Last I saw him he was lurking in the wash room.
Sounds to me like you should see if your cousin can get you a life size version of Jordi who can 'beam Picard up.' :)