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Make it up

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Want to hear a new computer buzz word? A buzz word before anybody else in the world hears it?

XJAX.

Yes. First there was Java, then XML, then AJAX. Now I present to you XJAX.

XJAX stands for cross-domain Javascript and XML. It's a way of working with data sources from various sites inside a web page without having to have a dedicated server.

How do I know this new word, this new force majure of the industry? Well. I made it up.

I guess I should apologize to sombody. After all, perhaps you need a special certificate or something to create something as beautiful as awk, grep, RegEx (not to be confused with FedEx), LAN, WAN, and any of the other zillion catch phrases.

Let's face it -- the computer industry has created its own version of Enlgish. Call it TechnoSpeak. Or call it Buzz-Word-orian. But whatever you call it, be sure you make it up. The rest of us do. Welcome to the club.

Seriously. I've worked at three large corporations on a CLAIMS system. One was for drugs, the other glasses, a third was for aliens. Nope, not MIB aliens. The ones digging the tunnels.

At first I tried to fight it. Use simple language, I told my staff. Try to talk to the user in terms they can understand. Remember that the computer must serve humanity, not the other way around.

It was all for naught. Year after year, project after project, we created reams of buzz word encrusted reports and paperwork that would make any linguist cringe. And it wasn't just computer jargon. Heck no. That would have been too easy. We took industry jargon, the stuff that nobody else in any other field would recognize, and mixed it with computer jargon, the kind that the industry people themselves wouldn't understand. Then, just for some fun, we made up new acronyms and buzz words and ladled them in there with the rest of them.

It was potent soup. I remember one of my first reports when I was contracting for the INS. My supervisor came around and told me my status report was insufficient.

"What's wrong?" i asked, "Didn't I work hard enough, accomplish the things you wanted for me, and put in a good week's effort?"

"No. It's not that," he confessed, "You're one of our best contractors. We love the work you do. But this report simply won't work."

"Wrong format?"

"It's too short. Put some more stuff in there. Tell them about the technology and problems you had in more, um, impressive terms. I'll need at least a couple pages a week from you from now on if you're going to work around here. After all, when I compile all 12 team members' reports together, it has to look daunting enough that there will be no questions."

He went away and I became a wiser man that day. From then on, I submitted 2 and 3 page reports, full of linguistic gobbledegook that would make a lawyer proud. People never knew what I did anymore, but they were certain I was doing a damn good job doing it.

So when you hear the term XJAX in the press (and hopefully you will! The best jargon is stuff you can infect others with) remember you heard it here first. And also remember to use it on your status reports.

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This page contains a single entry by Daniel published on February 7, 2006 3:59 AM.

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Daniel Markham