Things I Learned At The Beach

One of these is a monkey head

Here are the things I learned at the beach this year:

• The Beach is More Fun without the people - we went the week before Memorial Day. The first few days, there weren't many people there. When we left today, the place was crowded. I liked it better the other way.


• Somebody is Sniffing WiFi Packets - i used the WiFi setup at the Embassy Suites. I did two things of note: I checked my business checking account and I posted a comment on a blog I visit. Sure enough, the next day, I get a phishing email regarding my bank account with the bank's name I use, using the email address I used the day before. They never have matched up those two pieces of information before. Personally, I think it is organized crime. But the SSL was too much for them to crack, or i wouldn't have gotten the phish. So no harm, no foul. Better luck next time, Guido.


• Do not order beers at the poolside bar - Six bucks! Need I say more? What kind of stupid tourists do they think we are, anyway? Good thing I got my commemorative monkey-head planters punch with the take-home coconut monkey head souvenir. Otherwise I would have to drive somewhere for an adult beverage. Hey -- six bucks might be too much for a Budweiser, but $14 for a genuine coconut monkey head with a mixed drink inside? That's obviously a good value.


• Do not wear expensive prescription sunglasses to the lazy river - If you try to get on the inner tube in the lazy river, holding your six-year old daughter, a monkey-head drink, and your prescription sunglasses, something will fall into the water. Perhaps everything will fall into the water.


• Do not hold up the lazy river - No matter what the title says, the lazy river is not so lazy. If you hold up thirty people on inner tubes while you fish you daughter from the lazy river, people will make uncomfortable sounds at you.


• Do not step on your prescription glasses - The title kind of says it all. This is definitely something to avoid. Even with the angry river people at your back.


• Wearing broken sunglasses can make you look stupid - No matter how much they cost when you bought them, after you step on your glasses they are just not the same. People will stare at you. Some may laugh.


• Throwing a coconut monkey head at a laughing fat woman is a bad idea - Ok, I made that one up. But I was tempted. I bet with the right windage I could get that coconut over a hundred feet.

All in all, we had a good time. Other than the glasses and a few small bumps in the road, this was our best summer vacation yet. And I have the monkey-head to prove it! (The monkey head is the one on the right, I think)