While on vacation, I pinged a few friends of mine to ask them if they'd give me a LinkedIn recommendation. I'm hearing that people are using LinkedIn as a replacement for resumes, so it seemed like a good idea.
Imagine my surprise when one of my "friends" declined!
Bob -- let's call him that -- is a nice enough guy. Very enthusiastic about software methodology X. Bob was a rabble-rousing advocate of X at my last big client. Bob and I didn't see eye-to-eye -- this isn't my first rodeo and there are lots of solutions to complex problems -- but we got along okay. Sometimes Bob would stand up and espouse X at length, telling us all the world would be better if we all used it. At these times I usually mildly pointed out to Bob that changing the entire world might be a little ambitious for a 12-person team. Sometimes I had poorly performing teams that I was unable to help improve, but Bob never said anything about it. As far as I knew, Bob and I were friends who just had different opinions about software development. After all, we were on an agile team and experts in agile methodologies: if Bob had problems with me or my performance, it shouldn't be a mystery to either one of us.
That was until Bob got elected to chairman of the board of the X Alliance. I'm not sure if that did it for him, but something obviously got him into a snit. The reply I got was "...I'm inclined to decline your request, Daniel. If you care to visit more, call me..."
WTF?
So now I'm on my vacation wondering what the heck is wrong with Bob. But I guess that will have to wait. I honestly don't know what interests me more, why Bob doesn't want to recommend me or why I thought Bob would recommend me when he won't. I think the second question has a lot more potential than the first!
But it got me thinking of the folks I've met who don't like me very much. I've been doing this twenty years. There aren't a lot -- most people could care less about me one way or the other -- but some folks actively dislike me. For each of these folks I've thought long and hard about what our problem was together. Maybe you can get something out of my mistakes.
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